Last week I urged you to open up and share your secrets with others. But then I realized that some of you may not know whom to do that with, and trust me, it can’t be with just anybody!

The people you share your secrets with should also be the people who:

1. Keep your secrets only to themselves

Usually you can spot these people by their tight-lipped attitude about the secrets they know from others. They are not gossips. In fact, if you should try to gossip to them, they may well ask you to refrain or at least change the subject.

2. Accept you

When you are accepted, you will feel cared for. But if you feel judged by this person even when you are not sharing a secret, then pass them on by when it comes time to disclose.

3. Have a track record of respect and commitment to you

There’s a temptation to tell your secrets to friends whom you don’t know well enough yet. But if you haven’t had lots different conversations or interactions with a certain person, then hold on to your secrets for another day. It takes months, even years to know if someone is trustworthy.

4. Are humble and authentic about their own lives

You’ll feel comfortable with these kinds of people because they’ve let you peer into their secret world. They’ve dropped their guard and been willing to admit their own failures with you.

5. Increase your emotional and spiritual growth

We may be tempted to share our secrets with our “partners in crime,” but don’t go there! If you have a friend who doesn’t bring out the best in you—emotionally, relationally, spiritually—then that’s not a friend you want carrying your sacred secret.

Now my list is not exhaustive, nor is it a rigid set of rules. Remember, no one is perfect! The people whom you’re considering telling your secrets to may have failed you at one time or another in the past. The point is, do they have a good overall track record? If so, don’t wait another day. Let the healing begin!

Perhaps you know of another important character quality that you look for in someone whenever you share a secret.

If so, please share your criteria on the subject!

After all, we’d all love to know what your secret is … to finding a secret-keeper!

“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13 (NIV)


Comments on: "The Secret to Finding a Good Secret-Keeper" (7)

  1. Beth,
    Loved the article….all I can say is, Beth knows all my secrets, and she is a great secret-keeper. :o)

  2. Wonderful post! And, so true! I’m looking for *that* friend…

  3. So nice to have trust guidelines written down to default to. Thank You. I’ve poured my soul out to a crime partner or two, and ended up with bitterness fallout from the wounded relationship. Great post Beth!

  4. Pam, you are my “secret-keeper” too. I thought of you as I was writing this. You’ve been a great example of a trustworthy friend throughout the years! Love you!

    Peggy, thanks so much! I will pray for you that you find “that” special friend soon!

    Kimberly, I’m so glad that you found this useful. I’ve had to learn these rules the hard way at times too. Thanks for your continued encouragement!

  5. Beth, where were you when I was pulling the knife from my back over and over from that “someone” I told you about? Ugh. This information is great and I hope everyone reading it takes something from it. Even from a wounded warrior like myself, this info is useful while moving forward and learning from my errors in judgement. See you soon!!! 🙂

  6. Apis Melliflora said:

    Just found your blog from a search about “developing empathy.” And now I feel like I’ve found a treasure trove of wonderful Christ-centered advice and experience. Goody for me.

  7. Stacey, I’m so glad you’re finding the info helpful! That’s what it’s all about!

    Apis, I’m so glad you found my blog! And thanks for the encouraging words about the content. You’ve made my day!

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