My Frustrated Prayer

A few days ago I was rushing to get some time in with God. I have a lot of reasons excuses for that important time not happening.

As some of you may know, I type my prayers. So I have this indelible reminder—for good or for ill—of what I’m saying to God.

When I prayed the other day, my words seemed to leap off the page and hit me between the eyes. Maybe they will hit you in the same way—moving both of us to become fully devoted to Christ!

My Prayer:

Here I am rushing to get in some time with you. Maybe I can spend a bit more time with you later, after I finish another appointment on my “to-do” list. I’m sorry that I put you so low on my priority list. Why do I keep on doing that? What would it take to get me to fully focus on you? Being at the brink of death and life? I pray that is not what it takes to make me fully devoted to you.

Help me to remember that you died for me—an excruciating death, a death that you didn’t have to give. Why do I forget that? If I had gone through that, I would want whoever I died for to honor and remember me! I would be angry with whoever would put me behind all their list of “to-do’s.”

If I died tonight, how ashamed I would be. But I don’t want shame to motivate me to do what is right, what is best. I want to want you. But I know that I don’t want you enough or I would break down whatever barrier gets in my way. So I’m probably lying when I say that.

Help this wretch, Lord. Help me to see you for who you are.

I want you to be so much a part of me that you change me and people actually notice.

So far, that ain’t happenin’.

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Comments on: "My Frustrated Prayer" (4)

  1. Janna Stewart said:

    Did you read my mind? I struggle a lot with that and wish that I would just make it a part of my daily routine. I will pray for us both Beth.

  2. Thanks for saying, Janna. This post and a few others lately have left me feeling a bit exposed! And in this weather, that’s a terrible position to be in! Brrrrr!

  3. i struggle with this too! i feel so guilty that i still don’t give God my best every day after all that He has done and continues to do! i will pray for all three of us too 🙂 By the way, your blogs are really powerful when you are being vulnerable….it is always comforting to see other women who love God still do it imperfectly like me. thank you for your posts!

  4. Thanks for your encouragement, Nikki. I need to hear those kinds of responses or my natural tendency is to avoid this kind of topic!

    BTW, I just prayed for all three of us this morning too! The internet brings out some very good things, I think!

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