For years, my husband and I went ‘round and ‘round when it came to conflict. He would do something that would yank my chain, and then all of a sudden he’d notice I was being extremely quiet. So he’d ask, “Is there something wrong, Beth?” I’d say, “No, I’m fine.” He would then go into some long discourse about how I needed to be open and honest with him, that I shouldn’t sweep things under the rug, and that that’s how marriages are undermined, blah, blah, blah.
At some point, I decided to try it his way and I actually told him what was wrong. Unfortunately, I don’t think hearing the truth was the liberating experience my husband had imagined! Of course, I have to confess—I didn’t mince words. I thought, well, he did say he wants to know! So I let him know in no uncertain terms! And sadly, he didn’t like it!
At that point, instead of our conflict being side-tracked by a “game of cat and mouse,” it became a struggle of two wills—fighting fire with fire. I swung like a pendulum from one side, being passive, to the other side, being aggressive when it came to conflict.
As I’ve said in my last post regarding my marriage mistakes, conflict can only be resolved when two parties find balance and meet in the middle and not on the fringes. In my next post, I will discuss how to find that middle ground in a conflict, so stay tuned!