1. ____ I feel a compulsion to do certain acts, think certain thoughts, or consume certain substances when I am stressed or depressed.
2. ____ I regularly feel frustration over not having my needs fully met by significant others in my life.
3. ____ I often find that I am defending myself on certain recurring issues with others.
4. ____ I find myself adjusting to other’s expectations rather than communicating my feelings.
5. ____ I easily go from 0 to 10 emotionally when something or someone really bothers me.
6. ____ I tell myself it shouldn’t hurt so much when others let me down.
7. ____ I battle with accepting my faults, limitations, and/or humanity.
8. ____ I have unresolved issues with one or more members of my family of origin that impact my relationship or feelings about them to this day.
9. ____ I sometimes depend too much on others or have great difficulty being alone.
10.____ I find myself having difficulty with people who remind me of someone from my family of origin that I have issues with.
11.____ I feel guilty saying “no” or setting boundaries with others.
12.____ I often find myself defending certain people in my life (especially members of my family of origin) because I am unwilling to see them as they really are.
13.____ I need everyone to be happy with me so that I can feel good about myself.
14.____ I believe that my spouse or significant other relationship(s) needs to complete me.
15.____ I feel like my maturity is arrested or underdeveloped
in certain areas of my life.
16.____ I regularly avoid vulnerability or reliance on others.
17.____ I often hope for specific circumstances to occur because I believe that they will make me feel complete or validated.
18.____ I find myself regularly intervening with others when I sense they are not able to handle a certain situation.
19.____ I have experienced a continual sense of discontentment in every circumstance I have faced.
20.____ I often react with rebelliousness or fear toward those who exercise authority or control in my life.
If you scored 3 – 5, then you probably are struggling somewhat with codependency in your relationships.
If you scored 6 – 8, then you probably are struggling moderately with codependency in your relationships.
If you scored 9 or more, then codependency probably controls your life and relationships.
The term codependency was initially developed to describe a person in a relationship with an alcoholic who becomes addicted to his or her role in the alcoholic’s addiction. However, this definition is not complete, since codependent characteristics develop in a host of other dysfunctional and addicted relationships.
Codependency develops due to unresolved hurts, losses, or trauma’s experienced
especially in your past, but also in present day experiences of pain. If codependency is strong in your life, it is imperative to seek help for overcoming these tendencies. A great place to start might be to read the book, Love is a Choice, by Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier. Also, seek the help of a good Christian counselor and/or support group.
The problem with moderate to severe codependency is that it typically does not get better, but rather worse over time if intervention is not made. And most disturbing, codependent and unhealthy relational patterns are modeled and passed down to our children and grandchildren. Make a decision today to break the chain of dysfunction.
* Inventory was developed based upon the research found in Love is a Choice by Hemfelt, Minirth and Meier.